Aspiring Dark Lords
by caramellxkissx
Summary: They say you never know what strange things people think and do. here's the pov's of several aspiring dark lords
1. Dumbledore

Aspiring Dark Lords

By caramellxkissx

DUMBLEDORE

Dumbledore sat in his office, musing on his thoughts of the day. Soon, he would have to prove to Potter that he trusted him and backed him up, all the way. But how? He had told Potter about the horcruxes, which were true enough, unlike the majority of the things he had said. Hmm. He needed a lemon drop to help him on this one. Those long believed to be 'delightful lemon drops' were actually opium made into a sugary, candied form. Without them, Dumbledore would never have survived these terrible headaches and happenings. Call them if you will, self-medication. It definitely helped. As the effects of the opium settled in, he thought about what he had done to build up to this glorious and terrible times.

It was _he _who had suggested Pettigrew to be made Secret Keeper of the Potters. He also knew that those pesky but powerful-yes he must admit they were powerful, at least, Black, Potter and Lupin- Marauders were illegal animagi, but didn't do anything about the frame. He was once again on a Lemon Drop when he decided that it was too early to reveal that information to the public. It was, as he predicted, useful in the future. It was _he _who allowed Quarrell the Defense post, even knowing what he was; it was _he_ who encouraged Ginny Weasley when she came to him with the diary. Dumbledore could go on and on with the list. Although he didn't know Moody was an imposter until the Triwizard Tournaments ended, it was again Dumbledore who allowed Harry to compete.

In Dumbledore's mind, he was cunning mastermind of it all. What no one knew was he was originally placed in Slytherin, but he had threatened the Headmistress of then and got placed in Gryffindor. Even then the Masters (Professors were called Masters in those times) knew he had great potential and had most of his powers under control. He was thought to be almost as powerful as Merlin. But we digress. Dumbledore's 'perfect' plan concluded in Harry Potter killing Voldemort, and Dumbledore convincing Harry that he was going to be the next Dark Lord and convince him to commit suicide. Oh pity, the boy has the most brilliant eyes...just like that Lily Evans. Pity she had to die. But the boy hadn't received any of his parents talent for magic. He only inherited Love, which would enable him to defeat Voldemort, according to the Lemon Drop induced theory of Voldemort's demise.

Tonight would be a crucial stage of his elaborate plan. He would take Potter to the Island, retrieve the Horcrux, destroy it, and gain what trust he had left to gain in him. A year from now, that is all that it will take for him to become the next Dark Lord! Muhahahahahahahah!

Unlike Voldemort, he would not scare the people and become their enemies. He would intimidate them slightly with his power. Be that Iron Hand behind the curtain of the show that we called Life. The Minister would mysteriously vanish, and Dumbledore would take lead, as the Light Lord or some ridiculous name like that. The Order of Phoenix. Hmm, they would be his 'Death Eaters' of sorts, his Praetorian Guard! It honestly didn't matter, the People loved him! He would have their support, with them fearing and respecting his power. He would tell them some rubbish about leading the country and helping them. Yesss, it will work out just right!

_Flashback_

_Someone knocks on the door of his office. _

_"Enter," calls out Dumbledore._

_A disheveled looking Severous Snape enters the office with a wild look about him. _

_"Professor, I must talk with you. I did not know who else to come to! I need help!" begs Severous, with an earnest crazed look in his eyes that Dumbledore hasn't seen before._

_"Yes, Severus?"_

_"Professor, I have made a huge mistake. I--I joined the Death Eaters." confesses Snape, with his head hung. He shows Dumbledore his Mark. _

_"Yes, Severus, I have known that for a while. I am glad you have come to me. I think I may be able to help you." replies Dumbledore with the classic twinkle in his eyes. _

_Snape looks up at him witht hope, "Really Professor? Oh thank you! How ever can this be done? How can I ever repay you?"_

_"Well yes, Severous, I have an ultimatum." Snape nods eagerly. _

_"I won't play any games with you Severus, I'll lay the options out straight on the table and be brief. Either spy for me and the Order of the Phoenix, or I will report you to Azkaban. I've also realized you are quite accomplished in Potions. Seeing as Horace has retired, I would like you to take the post. That will be all, Severus." Dumbledore finishes and stands._

_Snape also stands up and looks at him now with disgust in his eyes. He asks coldy, "And how will this help me?"_

_"Well, for starters, I have already graciously offered protection at Hogwarts with a little price. You will have a shelter, food, company, and my protection, and all you have to do is teach kids how to mix and stir!" replies Dumbledore with a hint that he is offended. _

_"Thank you Sir. Thank you very much. I accept." Snape answers tartly and leaves the office. _

_End flashback_

'Ah that greasy haired git. He should be grateful to me! Grateful! But alack, I did make a teeny mistake there. He doesn't seem to like me very much...' thought Dumbledore. By now, he is officially high on Lemon Drops. 'Soon, all power will be mine!' Laughs evilly and manically.

Curtain Draws.

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so howd you like it folks? should i make a multiple personality Dumbledore? and the next chappies gonna be Ron, then Hermione, and then Voldemort. tell me what i should do 


	2. Harry Potter

Aspiring Dark Lords

By caramellxkissx

Disclaimer: I own ze plot. Everything else, J.K. Rowling does.

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HARRY POTTER

Harry was walking along the corridors when he heard a maniacall laughter coming from around the corner, which was...Dumbledore's office! "I have to go and save him!" Harry thought, posing his hero-of-the-light-side- pose. And so, Heroic Harry ran along with his cape swishing about him and reached the gargoyle statue. But there was a teeny problem. Harry did not know the password. 'Uh ohhh,' he thought, 'I bet it's the name of a candy!' and he fired the first word that came to his head.

"Lemon drops!"

And yet, the Gargoyle did not budge. Harry thought hard, and scratched his scarred head.

"Uhh Candy Hearts?"

No reaction. And then. RIGHt then! Harry had another vision!

_"Muhahahahah! At last! Soon, that stupid Harry Potter will die! And I will be the Darkest Dark Lord there is!" Voldemort cried out to his Death Eaters. _

_"Yes, M'lord." murmured the shuffling Death Eaters._

Gasp! It was Voldemort and his henchmen! Oh dearie. But Harry was hit with a flash of brilliance. He would use those phrases as the passwords! 'I am soooo smart!' thought he, 'I think even smarter than Hermione! Okay so let's try Muhahahahhah!' And so he did.

"Muhahahahah!" No reaction.

"Alright, at last!" No reaction.

At this Harry frowned but went on. "Soon, that stupid Harry Potter will die!" Yes reaction! But the gargoyle did not move, all it did was say, "Part one of the password is unlocked. Please say the second part now."And so Harry obliged.

"And I will be the Darkest Dark Lord there is!" And voila, the gargoyle moved. 'Wow, that was one hecka weird thingamajiger.' (a/n. I hate that word! it makes the person sound retarded, so HA! harry's retarded) Harry walked in and knocked on the door.

"Enter" came the slightly giggly voice of his revered headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.

"Professor, I heard some maniacal laughter, and just when I was about to say another password, I had another vision!" babbled an excited Harry.

"Harry, do not worry about me. I am a far more experienced wizard than cough you cough are, anyway, tell me about this vision." said Dumbledore sternly.

"Well,----" and Harry told Dumbledore all about it. Afterwords, Dumbledore politely asked him to leave and go back to his dorm, for it was getting quite late, and let all the grown ups take care of this. As Harry was walking back, he thought. Dumbledore had always been kind to him and treated him as an adult. Why would he now ignore him and treat him like an ignorant stupid kid? And as he thought more, the more angry Harry became. Hey! And his passwords. They were, "Soon that stupid Harry Potter will die!" and "And I will be the Darkest Dark Lord there is!" which was pretty suspicious to begin with. He would have to investigate this all by himself because if his friends joined him, they would get all the glory not him. Hmph.

When he finally got to his four-poster bed, he lay down to sleep. He thought about his future plans. He would defeat Lord Voldemort, thus proving Dumbledore that he _was_ experienced and not stupid. IF Dumbledore was still being a bitch, Harry would have to get rid of him. Not _kill_ him! God no, just lock him up, or obliviate him saying one of the Death Eaters got him or something. And then, he would take over the world! He would not be known as the Boy-Who-Lived, but as the Man-Who-Is-The-Ruler-of-the-World!.Yess, and he would get rid of anyone who opposed him! Have all the power in the world. Pretty good plan for an amateur right? But oh my god, McGonnagoll gave him a T on his essay that he forced Hermione to write for him.Hm, he would have to take care of that tomorow. "Muhahahh, teehee!" laughed, giggled, and chuckled Harry with an evil grin on his face.

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So yea, I know this chapter was a little short (teehee), but I promise you, it'll get either better or worse. Preferably better, but I won't update until I get like 10 or whatever reviews. Hmmbut I'd like to thank my 1st and so far only reviewer, Shavida! Yeah, other characters will show up too, and since this is a parody, don't expect the original character persona. And yes, it might be a tad stereotypical. Stupid Hero Attention Wanting Harry, Manipulative Dumbledore, etc. 

till the next review,

me!


	3. Ronald Weasley

Aspiring Dark Lords

By: caramellxkissx

Disclaimer: I own the story J.K. Rowling owns the names&characters.

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Ron's Inner Musings after 3 Bottles of Vodka: 

What am I? I'm nothing, that's what. What is this feeling? I'm so insignificant. I'm not anything, not brilliant like Hermione, and definately not like Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry.

Oh, so perfect Harry. My beautiful Harry. Sigh Harry gets all the girls, is a tip top Seeker in quidditch, is excellent in D.A.D.A., clearly has magical talent, and can get away

with anything!!! Dumbledore loves him too! Harry has no responsibilities or obligations whatsoever, and has all the attention! Plus, he's bloody rich! Me, I can't even perform a

simple "Wingardium Leviosa". I fail in potions, I fail with girls, and I am a loser. What _can _I do? Wizard's Chess. But where can Wizard's Chess ever gonna get you in life?

No where, that's where. But Harry, ah Harry can do anything even if he fails in everything. MERLIN! If I hadn't befriended rotty Potter, I would have been accused of being

jealous, and now that I have become friends with him, I am known as the best buddie of the boy-who-lived, nothing more. I know what I'll do, I will become a Dark Lord!!!

I will have minions, Neville, Sean, Dean, and the sort, and be feared!!! 'Cause you know, Dark Lords always have power, they always have faithful minions to fall back on. But

Dark Lords always have missions. Like Voldemort's is to kill as many muggles as he can and to kill Harry Potter because he is so hunky. Voldie knows he can't get Potter, and

_that's_ why he wants him so bad! DUH! Yeah, my mission will be to take out Potter, and then take over the world!!! Then Cho Chang will be my queen and we will have 14

children! But first I need to get Potter out of my way! Indirectly is the best way. I'll lead him to Voldemort and they'll kill themselves. If Harry kills Voldemort, then I'll slip him

some poison. But if Voldemort gets to precious Harry, Dumbledore will finish him off. This plan is absofuckingloutely fool-proof! AHAHAHHA- oops, I'm a Dark Lord now,

I must laught like this, "MUHAHAHAHAH." and play with my hands. First things first though, I need to gather my band of faithful minions...

_Ron fell from his chair onto the floor, obviously wasted and wiped out. He still has an evil grin on his face like the Cheshire Cat, and Harry Potter walks into the Common Room. "Ronald! What are you doing on the floor?! C'mon git up, let's get you to be-GASP!!! OH RON, the look on your face is so petrifying, oh dear oh dear. Hey I gotta tell you something, I think Dumbledore's trying to kill.."_

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Okay so as I was typing this, I was near the end and the whole thing erased. So I retyped it and now it's nowhere near as long and great as it was. So this Chapter officially sucks. Alright this one doesn't have that much funnyness in it but oh well, my brain hurts. Hope you enjoyed it. Gimme some ideas for the next chapter, which will be Hermione. YEah, so EVERYONE is plotting against Potter. I'd like to thank my (only 2!) reviewers too,

Shayida

The choco-holic


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